my kind of math

craig damrauer over at newmath is doing some brilliant things with words and arithmetic. this one below fits what work has been like of late.

now this is MY kind of place

miles dancing

used the camera on my phone, which is great until i hold it on its side. so, turn you head to the right and push play.

in memoriam

just keep her away from me

I Shall Call Them…Mini-Mes

Home Improvement | New Hampshire, USA

Customer: *whispers* “Could I have six…no, make that eight ladybugs please?”

Me: “You only need eight ladybugs? Or eight boxes? We sell them in boxes of one hundred.”

Customer: “Yes, just eight individual ladybugs. And could you please keep your voice down?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t open a box to give you just eight. The rest would all fly away.”

Customer: “Well, then I’ll take a box. ”

(I ring her up and she takes the box of ladybugs over to one of our picnic tables. She takes one ladybug, whispers to it and then flings it into the air.)

Customer: “HEAR MY WORDS AND DO MY BIDDING!”

(After several more ladybugs have been released she brings the box back over.)

Customer: “I’m not going to need the rest of these. You can keep them here.”

Me: “Ma’am, can I ask what you asked those ladybugs to do for you?”

Customer: “Well, ladybugs eat other bugs, which means they’re meat eaters! So I gave them the names and addresses of people I hate. That way, they can get a swarm of them and attack! If they eat meat then it’s just a matter of time before a whole bunch of them will eat a whole person!”

humane fly catcher?

i find the following story intriguing, particularly as we stave off economic depression, fight war in two countries and try to figure out what to do with foreign combatants in guantanamo bay, just to name a few pressing issues. not that PETA is known for its sense of balance, just seems a bit small-minded let's say.
___________

PETA Says No More Fly-Killing, Sends Obama a Humane Fly Catcher

June 17, 2009 10:55 PM

ABC News' Sunlen Miller reports:

PETA has a few words for President Obama: Brush, don’t kill.

After the President very publically swatted and then killed a fly during an interview with CNBC yesterday, the outspoken animal rights group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) said they wished Obama had served a better example.

“We support compassion for the even the smallest animals," says Bruce Friedrich, VP for Policy at PETA. “We support giving insects the benefit of the doubt."

Friedrich says PETA supports "brushing flies away rather than killing them" and was disappointed that the President had gone ahead and squashed the pesky fly.

This afternoon PETA sent a Katcha Bug, a device which traps bugs and allows their safe release back into nature to the White House.

PETA hopes the President will use the catcher but has no far not received communication back from the White House, although they did not ask for specific correspondence.

Friedrich admits that despite his fly-swatting ways, the President has been a champion for animal rights in the past. PETA claims to be pleased by Obama’s denouncement of factory farming, Canadian seal hunting andMichelle Obama’s stance against wearing fur.

even more

Vocabulary, Meet Veracity

Day Care | Los Angeles, CA, USA

(I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

Little girl: “Robert!”

Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”

(Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

more not always right

For Everything Else, There’s TasterCard

Gift Shop | United Kingdom

Me: “That’s £26.50, please.”

Customer: “Can I pay by card?”

Me: “Sure. Please enter your card into the machine, and then put in your pin code.”

Customer: “Right, are these machines waterproof?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “I wouldn’t get an electric shock from one, would I?”

Me: “Err, no?”

(Suddenly, the customer bends his head down and uses his mouth to cover up the keys. He then uses his tongue to try and push down the numbers of his pin code.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to stop! That’s incredibly unhygenic.”

Customer: “But it’s the only way to keep it safe!”

Me: “Have you considered covering the keys with your hand instead of your mouth?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not as safe!”

Me: “I’m afraid we’re just going to have to risk that. We can’t have you licking our machines.”

Customer: “Bah!”

i can't brain today...

what is the world coming to?

today's new story comes to us from austin texas.

Grandmother Tasered at Traffic Stop

Monday, 01 Jun 2009, 9:13 AM CDT

A 72-year-old woman is pulled over for speeding, then tasered and sent to jail. Kathryn Winkfein says she drives to Austin about twice a month to do her shopping. But on a Monday afternoon, a Travis County Constable deputy pulled her over, on her way back to Granite Schoals.

"Due to being a construction zone, and workers being present," Pct. 3 Constable Richard McCain said, "it was 45, she was doing 60."

Winkfein admits she was speeding in the dangerous strip of Highway 71 and Bee Creek.

"He explained to her," Constable McCain said, "sign the ticket stub, it's not an admission of guilt. It's a promise to appear in court. She didn't want to. She said take me to jail."

That's when the officer says Winkfein exited her vehicle and didn't cooperate.

"She refused to get off the side of the road, he said to her, Ma'am, you're under arrest. She used profanity," the Constable said. He adds she got violent, and the officer used a taser on her.

Winkfein showed FOX 7 her taser scars.

"Here and here. Two places, side by side. It's unreal. It's like an electric shock," she said.

A shock Winkfein believes she didn't deserve.

"I wasn't argumentative, I was not combative. This is a lie. All of this is a lie, pulled away from him I did not," she said, reading the arrest affidavit.

The great-grandmother was taken to the Travis County Jail, where she was booked for resisting arrest and detention. She was released shortly after. Now, Winkfein has hired attorneys to protect her rights.

When asked if it was appropriate for the arresting officer to have used a taser, Constable McCain answered yes.

a gulp of cormorants

the best list of animal grouping names yet. thank you san diego zoo. ( i love that place)

alligators: congregation
antelope: herd
ants: nest, army, colony, swarm
apes: troop, shrewdness
asses: pace, herd, drove
baboons: troop
badgers: cete
bears: sloth, sleuth
beavers: family, colony
bees: grist, swarm, nest, hive
boars: sounder, singular
buffalo: herd, troop, gang, obstinancy
butterflies: flutter
buzzards: wake
camels: train, caravan, flock
caribou: herd
cats: clowder, cluster, glaring, pounce
caterpillars: army
cattle: drove, herd
chickens: brood, peep
cockroaches: intrusion
cormorants: gulp
cows: kine
crocodiles: bask, float
crows: murder
deer: herd
dogs: pack
doves: arc, dule, flight, pitying
ducks: paddling, flock, raft
eagles: aerie, convocation
eels: bed, swarm
elephants: herd, memory
elks: gang, herd
emus: mob
ferrets: business
finches: charm
fish: school, shoal, haul, catch
flamingos: stand, flamboyance
flies: swarm, cloud, business
foxes: leash, skulk, troop
frogs: army
geese: gaggle, skein
giraffes: herd, corps, tower
gnats: swarm, cloud, horde
goats: flock, herd, tribe, trip
goldfish: troubling
gorillas: band, troop
grasshoppers: cloud
gulls: colony
hares: down, husk
hawks: boil, cast, kettle
herons: sedge, siege
hippos: bloat
horses: herd, band, string, team, stable
hounds: mute, brace, pack
hyenas: cackle
jays: band, party, scold
jellyfish: smack, brood
kangaroo: mob, herd, troop
larks: exaltation
leopards: leap
lions: pride
lizards: lounge
mice: nest
moles: labor
monkeys: barrel
moose: herd
mules: barren, span
otters: romp
oxen: team, yoke, drove
owls: parliament
oysters: bed
parrots: company, pandemonium
peacocks: ostentation, pride
pelicans: pod
penguins: rookery, colony
pheasants: bouquet, nye
pigs: drift, drove, sounder
porcupines: prickle
porpoises: school, crowd, shoal
prairie dogs: coterie
quail: bevy, covey
rabbits: nest, warren
raccoons: gaze
rattlesnakes: rhumba
ravens: unkindness
rhinoceroses: crash
sardines: family
seabirds: wreck
seals: pod, rookery
sharks: school, shoal
sheep: flock, pack, hurtle
snakes: bed, knot, den, pit
sparrows: host
spiders: clutter
squirrels: dray, scurry
starlings: chattering, murmuration
storks: mustering
swallows: flight
swans: bevy, herd, bank, wedge, flight
swine: sounder, drift, herd
tigers: ambush, streak
toads: nest, knot
trout: hover
turkeys: rafter
turtles: bale, dole
walruses: pod, herd
weasels: pack, colony
whales: school, pod, mob, gam
wolves: pack, rout
wombats: wisdom
woodpeckers: descent
zebras: herd, zeal

so THAT's where it was...

scientists misplaced the evolutionary link from primates to humans for nearly 200 years. it seems they finally found it.

awesomer than awesome

the more i look at this it just gets cooler and cooler.

better than tinyurl

i am a big fan of using tinyurl to shrink long web addresses. well now there is a new, cultural version: dickensurl. instead of creating a meaningless, albeit shortened, mix of numbers and letters, it uses lines of text from charles dickens' works. a perfect mixture of pretense and geek.

it makes me curious which url generator will be next. i predict it will be one of the following:

holybibleurl
buffythevampireslayerurl
bushismsurl (although this might be a bit passe...)